Coping

Coping is the process by which people handle difficulties. It’s is the most important part of having a satisfying, long-term relationship. With successful coping, the bond that’s formed during infatuation will be strengthened. With poor coping, the bond that’s formed during infatuation will gradually erode away and be replaced by a larger and larger collection of bad feelings.

When the collection of bad feelings is as large or larger than the collection of good feelings, then the sight and the presence of the other person will bring out — not just the good feelings — but the bad feelings as well.

Negative Experiences

Billy, who loves the circus from his one experience as a child, goes again. This time, he has a terrible time. As time passes the idea of the circus will bring out two sets of feelings, some good, some bad. The next time the circus comes to town, Billy may or may not go again.

Certainly, we can predict that if Billy goes and is disappointed once more, then his storehouse of experiences of the circus will be heavily weighted in terms of his bad feelings. It might then be unlikely that Billy will go to the circus again, for his own pleasure. (He may very well go as a way of giving a good experience to his children, even though his satisfaction will come from their pleasure, not his own.)

It is that way with relationships. If the two lovers who felt such love for each other during infatuation accumulate a large number of shared experiences that are negative and hurtful, in time they become less and less eager to share any more experiences.

Coping is the process by which people handle difficulties in such as way that they end up with good feelings, and with a stronger bond. Coping aims to maximize good feelings and minimize bad feelings. The goal is to build and nurture a growing collection of good feelings attached to your partner. The larger this collection becomes, the more positive you feel toward your partner and toward your relationship.

Anyone who has had a relationship can tell you that coping is not easy, nor does it come without some work and practice. There will be some situations where your coping skills don’t work, and you may require some changes in your way of acting or looking at things.

Book Two of the MetaMating Series contains a series of steps you can use to make any changes that you need in order to be able to cope effectively.

The one thing this series, e-book, forum, or web site cannot provide is the incentive and motivation for you to examine your coping strategy and make any changes that you might need if you are to cope as well as possible.

The motivation to learn skillful coping comes from the part of you that needs to find someone to bond with, and from the need to love and be loved. Allow those needs — which are so powerful — to motivate you to learn coping skills which can help you meet those important needs in a way that is warm, loving, and satisfying.

Many couples have learned to have warm, loving, and satisfying long-term relationships. The secret isn’t in the way the relationship started. The secret is in the process of coping that continues throughout the duration of the relationship.

For more on coping, go Visionary Publications to download the Coping Series.