This can be frustrating. The civilized, socialized part of you wants to be attracted to nice, kind, gentle, and loving people with appropriate education and career interests.
And, of course, because you've read all the articles on this site, you are looking for positive, optimistic, appreciative people who have happy memories, and are slow to anger.
Instead your body goes wiggly only when you meet the type of person who is hurtful, rebellious, or self-destructive.
Or, you're attracted to 'victims' who have sad stories and you hope to be the rescuer who will finally make them happy. (But, really, as it will most likely turn out, you'll find yourself to be the newest person to victimize them.)
Many people have this problem and they wonder which part of themselves to listen to. Some make the mistake of thinking they are choosing between the heart and the mind. Some feel that they must follow their heart or their gut feeling. If they do, it's at their own peril.
It isn't a choice between heart and mind. Its a choice between the kind of person you know would make a good partner, and the kind of person that your early imprinting (done before you were nine) feels attracted to.
There are times in your life when it is important to follow your gut feel or your intuition. This isn't one of them!
Somehow — we don't know how — you were imprinted very early with all of the characteristics that you would find attractive in a person. You didn't have a choice about what those characteristics would be. It could have been almost anything that you were imprinted with.
Some people end up with very difficult and challenging imprints. One man gets turned on by smelling a womans foot. Another, by hair that stands on end. Another fellow is attracted to women that will dominate him.
To be politically correct, I must point out that there is nothing wrong with hair that stands on end, or the smell of a woman's foot, or dominating women. Those things are just not a great basis for choosing a lifetime partner.
One woman is attracted to huge men. She is attracted to wrestlers, and although she has never met one, she fanaticizes about Sumo wrestlers. No one knows how she was imprinted with those attraction characteristics. She was very relieved to find out that she could overrule, or ignore her attraction imprinting if she chose to.
I'm not suggesting that there is anything wrong with Sumo wrestlers. I am suggesting that a man's bulk shouldn't be the number one factor in choosing a partner.
Myrtle married three times, and each time to a man who beat her. She had followed her gut feel and married men who turned her on. Somehow, she was attracted to the type of man who would mistreat her. She hated being beaten, and she left each of them in turn. But, the next time she was turned on, it would be by another man who would beat her.
Carol had been married twice, and both were alcoholics. She was attracted to people who were hurting and needed help. When she finally discovered that she didn't have to follow her gut feelings, she began to make better choices for herself. She was less a slave to her childhood imprinting, and more responsive to the needs of the part of her that needs and wants a partner.
If you have this problem, feel free to do two things. First of all, enjoy being attracted to someone, but if that person is wrong for you in serious ways, resist the temptation to take the relationship any deeper.
Second, if you know people that are right for you, but who don't ring your bell, take steps to get to know them better. You will discover that attraction can develop as you spend more time with that person. And, even if it doesn't develop, courting can lead to infatuation and almost everyone agrees that infatuation feels far better than attraction.
In summary: We all tend to give attraction far too much weight in our choice of lifetime partners. If it hasn't worked for you in the past, find the kind of person who will make a great lifetime partner and begin courting. You'll feel attracted by something you uncover in that person.
If you struggle with the idea of giving attraction less importance, develop your skills in positivity, optimism, appreciation, and having happier memories.
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