Research studies of happy people show that happy people have happy memories. Amazingly, they have happy memories even if they’ve been through some traumas that you and I might think would create terrible memories.
Researchers are still studying how these happy folks manage to have positive memories, so the "how" of it is still being explored. Early indications, however, suggest they somehow 'distort' their memories of horrible situations so the bad events end up being positive.
Some folks could call these people 'crazy' because they seem to have lost touch with reality — crazy, because they have 'distorted' their memories. Yet, I call them 'happy' and I say, "More power to them."
Happy people find ways to see the positive side of almost everything.
One fellow, part of a famous Harvard study, was thoroughly interviewed when he was lifted out of the ghetto at age 19 and placed into Harvard. On his initial interviews he told 'hair raising' stories about the treatment he had endured at the hands of those who raised him. Some might say he was "abused," or at least tormented.
Following his education at Harvard, he became a very successful man, raised a fine family and lived a life of wealth and happiness. After he retired, his final interview in the Harvard study showed some extraordinary differences from his first interview. In the last interview he talks about his ghetto days in rosy terms with happy memories. Something you and I might have called child abuse from his mother became positive and seen as "making a man of him." The mother who tormented and abused her son was remembered fondly as one who taught him much about life and love.
I say, "More power to him." Why would anyone want to carry around horrible memories, when, with a little distortion and mental gymnastics, you could turn them into positive, life affirming, events.
Am I saying that it's good for your relationship if one or both of you can distort your memories and lose touch with reality?
Yes! I'm saying you'll both be happier if you and your partner have happy memories, and if 'rewriting history' or even distorting reality is required to make some of those memories happier, so be it.
I only recommend distorting reality in a few situations: Remembering past traumas, falling in love, and having a baby.
Having a baby is obvious. You want a partner who will look at the baby and think, "This is the most beautiful, alert, precious, and special baby in the world," (even if an objective observer might not see things exactly the same way).
Falling in love is also obvious. Infatuation causes you to literally 'go crazy' about your loved one. Your partner becomes the most wonderful, most attractive, most exciting, most special person in the world. You want a partner who can go "ga-ga" over you. People with happy memories make great lifetime partners.
The reason they make great lifetime partners is because happy memories are proof that the person can find the positive, and see what's good about almost anything. Unless you figure to be a perfect partner yourself, you'll learn to appreciate that.
If you or your partner is troubled by unhappy memories, Relationship-Insurance gives you access to tools that will teach you some wonderful techniques for 'rewriting history.' It will help you and your partner learn how to 'modify' some of those bad memories and reduce the chances that you or your relationship could ever become an unhappy memory.
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