An ideal partner is someone who is Positive, Optimistic, Appreciative, Slow to Anger, with Happy Memories. I hope that describes both of you. If it does, then neither of you will have to master any new skills to make your relationship last.
If, on the other hand, one or both of you don't have some of these 5 traits, don't worry, because all five of them can be learned. For example, maybe if you are a person who tends to be negative and pessimistic, you'll find it difficult to believe you can actually learn to be a lot more positive and actually become optimistic. More about that later. Let's talk about why each of these traits is valuable in a partner.
You want a partner who is positive, because positive people see what's good in people, events, and situations. Your positive partner will see the good in you.
A positive partner will lift you high, cheer you up, and help you to feel good about yourself and your relationship. A positive partner won’t focus on your flaws or failings. A positive partner will see your strengths and your gifts.
Researchers tell us that for a relationship to last, each person needs to give their partner five times more positive messages than negatives. A positive partner will find that easier to do, and your partner’s positivity will help keep you positive as well.
You want a partner who is optimistic because optimists always see the brightest side of every situation. Even during adversity, the optimist will see the most positive and hopeful outcome for the future. Maybe the optimist isn’t always as realistic as the pessimist, but the optimist makes a much happier life partner.
Dr. Martin Seligman, probably the world’s leading authority on optimism, says every relationship needs at least one optimist … and it’s better if both partners are optimists.
You want a partner who appreciates people because an appreciative partner will appreciate you, your strengths, your capabilities and all the good things you bring to the relationship.
Your partner’s appreciation will lift you up, make you feel better about yourself, and make your relationship bonds stronger and stronger. The partner who can’t or doesn’t appreciate others, tends to focus inward and might even think the whole world revolves around him or her.
You want a partner who is slow to anger because that will make your moments of conflict much less frequent. Dr. John Gottman, the world’s leading researcher on marriages tells us that for a marriage to survive, the conflict discussions must begin positively and end positively.
A partner who is slow to anger is much more likely to begin and end conflict discussions on a positive note. Conflict discussions that start and end positively are much more likely to produce good outcomes.
Finally, you want a partner with happy memories. Happy memories tell you that your partner wasn’t a victim, took the good from whatever happened, and was always a positive and optimistic person.
Happiness researchers tell us that the happiest people somehow manage to live through the many adversities that befall all of us and take away mostly good and happy memories.
That just means you have a little work ahead of you. As I said, each of these traits are really just habits learned over time. For example, if you want to work on being less negative and more positive, we'll show you how to build a new habit of being more positive about more things. Habits are built over time so we suggest you spend just 5 minutes a day doing a simple exercise on positivity. Over a period of time, you'll find yourself gradually becoming more and more positive about more and more things.
Amazingly, studies show that people who are positive and optimistic live longer, healthier lives than negative and pessimistic people. And, they are happier with their whole lives.
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